Men: Seriously, make up your minds!

Society for almost as long as humans have been on Earth, have placed value on a women’s sexuality. You know, we’ve slept with too many people, we don’t give it up soon enough, or we’re “easy,” and of course the list goes on.

But, guys, seriously? Pick one.

I’ve heard multiple things come out of many individual men’s mouths. “If a girl sleeps with me too soon she doesn’t deserve my respect.”

Really?

Maybe she just really liked you. Or trusted you. So maybe you should stop being a judgemental f*ck. Because, let’s see, she could just as easily say that you slept with her too soon since she didn’t have sex with herself.

There’s also the hilariously dreadful, “If a girl has a lot of sex, she doesn’t have any self respect.” Please don’t make me barf and laugh at the same time. We all own our bodies. We can do with them what we so choose. The power is in our own hands–man or woman.

So here is what I want to know. You’ve seen the above quotes. Why do the same men who say these things also say, “I don’t want to share a bed with a girl unless she is planning to f*ck me”? That’s a direct quote, I just won’t say from whom.

Let’s lay it all out for you so I understand:

  1. We have to be pure
  2. But not too pure
  3. We have to make you wait
  4. But not too long because then you’ll get bored and look for it elsewhere
  5. We aren’t deserving of respect if we sleep with you
  6. Yet, you don’t respect us if we refrain either
  7. We really can’t win with you, can we?

So men everywhere, please let us know exactly what your “rules” are… especially over our own bodies because I am a confused 30-something who has yet to figure this out.

Thanks,

Women everywhere.

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Why #WalkUp is Wrong…Instead let the kids #WalkOut…and here is why:

Now before anyone goes irate on my blog, let me make one thing clear. #WalkUp is a good sentiment. Yes, none of the kids should bully other kids. And yes, the kids need to respect each other.

But here is the problem with the whole “Walk Up Not Out” thing:

You are basically telling these kids that it’s their fault they were shot because they “weren’t nice” to the loner kid.

Maybe if we are nice to everyone, we won’t be killed.

We all know that’s not how life REALLY works.

I think all of us have been bullied at some point in our lives. That doesn’t mean you go on a shooting rampage and kill everyone that has ever hurt you. It doesn’t give you the right to take a life because someone wasn’t nice to you. This world is cruel and although I agree that it needs to be a better place, we have no control over how others think and act. Nikolas Cruz’s actions were not justified because he wasn’t invited to eat lunch with the other kids.

On Wednesday this week, students across the country marched out of their schools to demand a safer school environment. (I won’t even discuss the gun reform issue…). But is that a bad thing? Kids want to go to school and feel safe and not get KILLED. By saying they need to “walk up,” you’re invalidating their horrific experiences and diluting it to nothing.

These kids in Florida witnessed something horrible, something that most of us cannot even fathom. They watched their friends get killed, they were scared, and NOW they are fighting back.

This is AMERICA. We shouldn’t have to worry about our kids going to school everyday and wonder if they will come home ALIVE. That is what these kids are fighting for. They are fighting for future students to have a safe place to call school… not a potential graveyard.

So please, kids, fight for what you believe in, because us adults have been silent too long. Your voices need to be heard. So #walkout! Do what you have to do so the younger generation can go to school safely. We are with you.

 

Image Credit: Seattle Times

Katy Perry Needs to be Cancelled!

For anyone who knows me personally, You know that consent is an important issue for me.

Now, let’s talk about Katy Perry for a moment and the sh*t-show of an American Idol host.

Benjamin Glaze, a 19-year-old who auditioned for American Idol, told the judges (Lionel, Katy, and Luke) that he had never kissed anyone and wanted to save his first kiss for a relationship with someone special.

Katy offered her cheek and then took it upon herself to kiss him on the mouth.

Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS IS SEXUAL ASSAULT.

He never consented the kiss. He said afterwards that it made him uncomfortable.

Besides the fact that this was sexual assault, the toxic masculinity flooding the internet has me wow’ed.

I’ve seen comments saying, “I don’t know why he’s complaining, I’d totally let Katy kiss me.”

“He should be thankful…”

“He must be gay to not want a kiss from her…”

These were all comments from men.

Let me explain how this attitude is dangerous. It means men who are victims of sexual assault (especially from women) won’t speak up. It means that the women out there who want to do something forcefully or non-consensual towards a man… will go without facing any consequences.

We cannot allow this.

Everyone, male or female, has a right to protect their body, morals, and wants.

This kiss was not wanted. It was nothing innocent.

If the roles were reversed and the kisser had been a man towards a 19-year-old woman… this country would have lost their minds.

We need to stand up for Benjamin the way we would stand up for anyone else who was a victim.

Katy Perry needs to be cancelled. Period.

 

Things I have Noticed About “Rugrats” Rewatching it as an Adult…

Most–if not all–80’s/90’s kids know what Rugrats are! They were those cute, funny babies that went on many adventures and warmed our hearts for years.

I recently discovered that Rugrats is on Hulu (click here to see). I am almost finished with Season One and here are some things that came to mind while binge watching these beloved babies!

  1. How the heck are Stu and Didi affording their house? Their house looks huge right? And Didi is a teacher and Stu is a struggling inventor… how exactly are they paying the bills?
  2. Angelica’s behavior drives me up a wall. Everything from her being fake polite to manipulating the babies makes me want to cringe.
  3. I feel like I can totally relate with Grandpa. From all if his “Back in my day…” stories to all of his naps. Then there was the episode where he took Tommy grocery shopping and bought a whole cart full of “Fudgy-Ding-A-Ling Bars.”
  4. Betty is a good friend. It seems she always helps Didi calm down when she gets into her worrying moods. She is also Feminist AF.
  5. It hilarious how Didi turns to her Dr. Lipschitz book when needing parenting advice.
  6. WHY IS NO ONE WATCHING THE KIDS?! Seriously these babies end up all over the place before any one realizes they are gone (in some cases, they never do).
  7. In regards to the parents, how does no one ever notice the screwdriver in Tommy’s diaper? Seriously, he hides everything in there!
  8. Chuckie might be the overly-cautious one, but he is a good friend for Tommy! He is courageous when it’s the most important and he never lets his friends down.
  9. Phil and Lil are the reason I never want twins. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but remember the episode where Didi convinces Betty that she should separate the twins once in a while? Well, in that episode Betty mistakes Lil for Phil even though she has her dress on. Not that Betty cares about gender “norms” but you get my point. I’d be so paranoid to not recognize which one was which. Especially if they were the same sex.
  10. Stu and Drew have such an unhealthy relationship. They are both still highly upset with each other about a lot of petty things they did to one another as kids. Remember when the puppet show was a disaster? I personally think they should forgive and just be brotherly adults.

And that is what I have noticed so far watching the Rugrats. Have you noticed anything different? Share in the comments!

Image Copyright Nickelodeon and Hulu

We Need to End the Suicide Stigma (Content Warning)

I write this with a heavy heart this morning as I learned one of my friends committed suicide two nights ago.

First, I felt the shock of the news.

Then, I felt the sadness of the loss.

Now, I feel the guilt.

I should have done more. I should have seen the signs. I should have communicated with her more, checked on her more, the list goes on.

But there is something else I have discovered about suicide during this tragedy, and that’s the fact that there are people who still don’t understand mental health.

There is still such a harsh stigma behind people committing suicide… I’ve heard things like, “Well, I know she didn’t go to heaven” and “She should have found something in her life worth hanging onto.”

???? (This is where I raise my eyebrow)

First of all, none of us can say where the person went after they died. We don’t have the right and it’s not our judgement to make.

You can’t just tell people who are depressed, suicidal, etc, that they need to find something to hold onto. That they need to find a REASON to be here. That’s not how it works.

As well all know, the reason we are here on this Earth is never blatantly placed before us. There is no flashing sign that tells us why we are here. If that were the case, maybe it would help. Maybe. But with mental health, there are no promises.

People who have never felt this way don’t understand this. And good for you for being mentally “stronger” than some of the rest of us. But we don’t need your advice. In fact, your advice can be a little toxic sometimes. People don’t WANT or CHOOSE to feel this way. If everyone had the choice to be happy, carefree, and not worry about a damn thing, trust me, that’s what they’d choose. You cannot tell depressed people to find something to hold onto. That’s not how it works. Let me explain.

When you feel this way, you feel there is an impending doom. You feel like no one TRULY cares about you even if you have dozens of friends and family. You have convinced yourself that people would be better off without you (and sometimes people may have told you that). You’re tired of hurting. You’re tired of feeling worthless. There’s a dark cloud looming over you that keeps telling you to end it because everything will be so much better. There will be no more suffering. JK Rowling symbolized this very well with the Dementors in the Harry Potter series.

And it’s not about what is around you and who is in your life. Depression doesn’t care if you have kids, are a celebrity, are the most popular person in school, a house wife, a world class athlete, a brilliant scientist on the verge of finding a cure for AIDS, a beautiful model, the kid working at the local gas station…

And to speak to the survivors of suicide attempts, the stigma is even worse. They are often labeled CRAZY, SELFISH, or MENTALLY UNSTABLE. I know, because I am one of them.

We need to end this judgemental attitude society has. Let’s stop telling these people to have external reasons to stay, or that they are going to hell. Let’s instead help them, give them resources that will help them. Tell them that we will be there, because at the end of the day that is what all of us want–just someone to be there in the dark times.

 

Image Credit: (click here)

The LGBT+ Community Deserves Medical Care too…

Well, it’s 2018 and I cannot believe I actually have to talk about this. This particular subject angers me to the depths of my soul. Trump has passed a law allowing medical personnel to deny LGBT people–yes, PEOPLE–medical care if they do not agree with their “lifestyle.”

As a future nurse, and as someone who has been working in the healthcare field to some degree for a while now, THIS ANGERS ME…I know I said that already. Here’s the thing, I don’t think some people realize how dangerous this is. We aren’t talking about a wedding cake here, we are talking about HUMAN LIVES. It goes against the oath that EVERY healthcare worker has to take.

We cannot put our personal beliefs in front of providing medical care for a patient. The patient is number one. Helping them is the first priority. Not your religion, not your bigotry, not your prejudice.

I fear that this will eventually get worse. What do I mean by that? Well, what if gets to the point where people can deny care to someone because of their race? What if nurses can deny delivering someone’s baby because of the woman’s marital status? This is unethical in many ways and we need to STOP it!

And if you are an LGBT ally, you need to stand up and fight as well!

My final note, if you work in the healthcare field and have no problem denying care to a fellow human because of your own pathetic bigotry, get out of the healthcare field! Like, yesterday. Because your close-minded, hiding-behind-religion tactics are going to kill someone. And remember the ten commandments: “THOU SHALT NOT KILL.”

Trump says Haiti is a “sh*t hole country”…Well here is my response…

We’ve all seen the news in the last 24 hours talking about Trump and his “shit hole countries” comment. Haiti was one of the countries he was speaking of. While Trump himself denies that he said these words, there were other people in the room who either agreed that he said this or didn’t exactly deny it.

So let’s talk about this. Yes, it’s a blatantly racist comment. As the United States, we should be making things as peaceful as possible with all countries. I know most of us are scared out of our pants about a nuclear war with North Korea and Trump seems to not care about the lives or welfare of the people in the very country he “runs.” But I digress.

Let me tell you about people of Haiti that I know.

When I lived in Florida, I worked at two nursing homes as a CNA (certified nurse assistant). Many of my co-workers were women from Haiti. I was a new CNA, being only 21, and let me tell you I learned a lot from these women who Trump claims to be from a “sh*t hole country.”

These women taught me how to work faster and more efficiently when dealing with patients. Some of them taught me a few words of Creole and we would all laugh when I attempted to pronounce them. These women threw a baby shower for me when I was pregnant with my first son. Many of them gave me parenting advice when I needed help with my son after he was born. We were a team working together to take care of our patients and help keep each other’s heads up. In 2010, when the Earthquake in Haiti happened, our facility took in a few people from there to help them with wound care. They were all very nice and thankful to be here and safe.

In conclusion, the “sh*it hole” country as Trump calls it, has introduced me to some of the strongest women in the world. And some of the most hard working at that.

So dear citizens in or from Haiti, I apologize for Trump’s words.